My name is Manu. I’m a mom, who is now balancing a full-time career, writing stories and cohabiting with the world’s cutest hell-raiser. I’m convinced that someday she is going to rule this world.
3 years ago, after 11 years together, my ex and I decided to go our separate paths. He went on to pursue his career overseas and I remained here to raise our daughter. I was shaken to my core. I had never in a million years imagined that this is where we would end up. Yes, couples have troubles. But I thought we were THAT couple who would ride the highs and lows of life with the strength and bravery of warriors. We weren’t. At the first sight of trouble, our relationship crumbled like a sand castle unexpectedly caught in the high tides.
I got ugly for a while - like spending days watching endless reruns of This Is Us, crying my eyes out and eating way too many cupcakes. I may or may not have drunk emailed my ex (numerous times) demanding to know why we weren’t worth the fight. Then in order to feel worthy, I engaged in not-so-good for my soul relationships. Some were downright toxic. They nearly destroyed my self-esteem. My new-found freedom was nothing like I had expected. Instead I was faced with something I truly feared: loneliness. Not the kind where you are siting at home alone on a Saturday evening, watching sappy love movies.
"Loneliness does not come from having no people around you but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you." - Carl Jung
I felt that my personality and voice were slowly being silenced. I was feeling hurt, betrayed, used and abused, like my humanity shaken to its core. Through my toxic interactions, I was having my body and my sexuality been redefined by others without my consent. I had people imposed their expectations of who I should be based on my gender, my body, the colour of my skin, etc. And I felt alone, misunderstood, sometimes even despised.
I wrote a lot during that period. And it helped. I felt the need to make peace with my life and words saved me. I was able to face my new reality. And what I saw wasn’t so bad. I own my home, I have a good career in a field that I love, and yes, I’m that overwhelmed, doesn’t-quite-have-her-shit-together mom but my daughter is an amazing tiny human and I like to believe I had something to contribute to her uniqueness.
My life is messy and complicated. And I'm now accepting that.
I no longer want to stay in the shadows of my past. I'm owning up to and embracing the woman that I am. I've learned that self-love is essential to healing. I'm still a work in progress but what a beautiful messy work I am!
About this blog
It started with a date.
A few months after my separation, I found myself on a date with someone else that wasn’t my ex-husband, for the first time in 12 years. I thought it had gone well when he walked me to my car, kissed me tenderly and told me he was looking forward to seeing me again.
And then date guy never called. Neither did the next guy I went on a date with nor the first guy I slept with after my separation. And then there was the guy I started developing feelings for who sort of broke my heart and probably my fragile confidence along the way.
And then one night, I drank too much wine (yeah, again) and wrote them letters. Don’t worry. I never sent them. My life isn’t a Netflix movie. The letters weren’t anonymously sent by a well-meaning yet embarrassingly annoying younger sibling. But I did share them with some of my girlfriends. It opened the way for great discussions about self-esteem, life, love, relationships, dating, and sex. Through our conversations, I realized that this world isn’t always kind to women. A lot of us, unable to fit in society's impossible standards, suffer from a lack of self-love. Many of us are carrying wounds and limiting beliefs that stop us from manifesting and achieving the life, love and/or sexuality that is authentic to each one of us.
That’s how the purpose of this blog became clear to me. As a dreamer, a creative soul, a storyteller, a lover of humans, a woman with a tendency to overshare, I wanted to write, tell stories, entertain, share my thoughts, inspire and open the door for conversations. I believe that we need to normalize the differences that make us unique. We’re each on a different path and we should feel empowered to pursue our journey the way we see fit.
My first language is French but I'm mostly fluent in Frenglish 🙂 Sometimes, I write in English other times I feel more inspired to write in French. No matter the language, they're my words and they are always honest.
So welcome to my little space and I hope you find yours too.